Adoption is a life-changing journey, and it’s natural to wonder how much choice you’ll have in the child you welcome into your family. Many prospective adopters hope for clarity and reassurance about the process, especially when it comes to matching and preferences.

How Matching Works in UK Adoption

In the UK, adoption agencies and social workers play a central role in matching children with families. The process is designed to ensure the child’s welfare is paramount, as set out in Re B-S [2013] EWCA Civ 1146. Agencies consider the child’s needs, your profile, and any preferences you express. Matching isn’t about picking a child from a list—it’s a careful, collaborative process that weighs emotional, practical, and legal factors.

Social workers will look at your strengths, lifestyle, and experience, alongside the child’s background, age, health, and any additional needs. The aim is always to find a family who can offer “good enough care” and meet the child’s long-term needs.

What Choice Do Adopters Really Have?

You can express preferences about age, gender, background, and whether you’re open to siblings. Agencies will listen, but the child’s needs always come first. For example, if you’re open to siblings, you may be matched with a group who need to stay together. If you have strong preferences, be honest—but also be aware that being too narrow can mean waiting longer.

Agencies balance your wishes with the welfare of children waiting for families. Sometimes, you may be asked to consider children outside your initial preferences, especially if you’re open-minded and flexible.

Common Pitfalls and Misunderstandings

It’s easy to imagine adoption as a “shopping list” process, but it’s not. Expecting to choose every detail can lead to disappointment. The waiting period can be emotionally tough, especially if you’re not matched quickly. Some adopters find that being open to different profiles or sibling groups leads to a match sooner—and a richer family life.

Things to Consider Before You Start

Be realistic about your preferences and how flexible you can be. Preparation is key: talk to your agency, attend training, and build a support network. Communicate openly about your hopes and limits, and ask questions if you’re unsure.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I adopt a baby?
Babies are rarely available, and waiting times can be long. Most children needing adoption are older or part of sibling groups.

Can I choose ethnicity or background?
You can express preferences, but agencies will prioritise the child’s needs and best interests.

What if I’m not matched for a long time?
Stay in touch with your agency, review your preferences, and consider being more flexible.

Can I say no to a match?
Yes, you can decline a match if you feel it’s not right for your family. It’s important to be honest and thoughtful.

Top Tips for Prospective Adopters

• Be open-minded and honest about your limits

• Build a strong support network

• Ask questions and seek clarity at every stage

• Prepare for emotional ups and downs

• Stay focused on the child’s needs, not just your preferences

Conclusion

Adoption is about finding the right family for a child, not just the right child for a family. While you can express preferences, the process is built around the child’s welfare and long-term happiness. Stay open, ask questions, and remember—every child deserves a loving, stable home, and your flexibility can make all the difference.

If you have more questions or want to talk through your situation, Caira is here to help you navigate every step. Chat to her 24/7.