Summary: Jewish divorce in England and Wales involves both civil and religious steps, making the process emotionally and legally challenging. This guide explores how beit din divorce works, the unique issues faced in hasidic divorce, and the importance of Hebrew divorce documents. It offers practical advice for navigating family pressures, understanding key terms, and resolving common misunderstandings, so you can move forward with clarity and confidence.

Your first step towards a closing a chapter and starting a new one
Divorce is never just paperwork. For Jewish couples in England and Wales, ending a marriage means navigating not only the emotional fallout but also the intricate requirements of both English law and Halacha (Jewish law). The process is layered, sometimes confusing, and often deeply personal. If you’re facing a Jewish divorce, understanding the steps, the key terms, and the common pitfalls can help you move forward with clarity and dignity.

Word to be familiar with:

• Get: The religious document that formally ends a marriage under Jewish law.

• Beit Din (Beth Din/Beis Din): A Jewish court, usually made up of three rabbis (Dayanim).

• Dayan: A rabbinic judge who sits on the Beit Din.

• Din Torah: A formal proceeding in Beit Din, often used to resolve disputes.

• Halacha: Jewish law, which governs the religious aspects of marriage and divorce.

• Ketubah: The Jewish marriage contract, outlining the husband’s responsibilities.

• Agunah: A woman “chained” to her marriage because her husband refuses or is unable to give her a Get.

• Mamzer: An illegitimate child born of a religiously forbidden relationship, with serious implications for future marriage.

• Mesader Gittin: The rabbi who officiates the Get ceremony.

• Ptur: The document issued after the Get ceremony, proving the couple is divorced under Jewish law.

• Seruv: An order of contempt from Beit Din, often used when a spouse refuses to cooperate.

• Shtar Berurin: An agreement to arbitrate a case in Beit Din.

• Sofer: The scribe who drafts the Get.

• Zabla: A Beit Din panel created for a single case.

• Heter Arkaos: Permission from Beit Din to petition a civil court instead of a religious one.

These terms aren’t just jargon—they shape every step of the process and can affect your rights, your children’s future, and your standing in the community.

The Double Divorce: Civil and Religious

One of the most common misunderstandings is believing that a Get alone is enough to dissolve a marriage in England and Wales. In reality, you need both a civil divorce and a Get. The civil divorce, granted by the family court, ends your marriage in the eyes of the law. The Get, issued by the Beit Din, ends your marriage in the eyes of the Jewish community and Halacha.

Skipping either process can have serious consequences. Without a civil divorce, you remain legally married, with all the financial and parental responsibilities that entails. Without a Get, you remain religiously married, unable to remarry in an Orthodox synagogue, and any future children may face the stigma of being considered Mamzerim.

A beit din divorce involves a panel of rabbis who oversee the religious dissolution of marriage, ensuring the process follows Jewish law. Hasidic divorce often brings additional community expectations and traditions, which can affect how proceedings unfold and the support available. Understanding these nuances helps you prepare for both the formalities and the emotional realities of Jewish divorce.

The Get Ceremony: What to Expect

The Get ceremony is a formal, structured process. Both spouses attend the Beit Din, usually accompanied by family or friends for support. The Mesader Gittin oversees the proceedings, while the Sofer drafts the Get. The Dayanim ensure the process follows Halacha.

You won’t be asked to justify your reasons for divorce or face blame for the marriage breakdown. The focus is on ensuring the Get is given and received voluntarily, without coercion. The husband instructs the Sofer and witnesses, and the wife receives the Get in person. After the ceremony, the Beit Din issues a Ptur, confirming the religious divorce.

It’s normal to feel anxious or intimidated. If you’re worried, ask the Beit Din for a walk-through of the process or bring someone you trust for moral support.

Agunah: The Pain of Being Chained

Few challenges are as heartbreaking as becoming an Agunah. If a husband refuses to give a Get, the wife is “chained” to the marriage, unable to move on or remarry within the faith. This isn’t just a religious issue—it can affect every aspect of life, from social standing to mental health.

Solutions exist, but they’re imperfect. The Beit Din may issue a Seruv, publicly shaming the husband or restricting his community privileges. In some cases, a Heter Arkaos allows the wife to petition the civil courts. Community support can help, but the process is often slow and emotionally draining.

If you’re facing Get refusal, document every attempt to resolve the issue and seek advice from the Beit Din. Don’t be afraid to ask for help—many women have walked this path before you.

Financial and Child Arrangements

The Ketubah outlines the husband’s responsibilities, but in England and Wales, financial and child arrangements are governed by civil law. The Beit Din can mediate disputes, but only the family court can issue binding orders on property, maintenance, and custody.

It’s common for couples to misunderstand what the Beit Din can and cannot do. If you have children, the court will prioritise their welfare, considering their upbringing, education, and living arrangements. If you have joint assets, gather documentation and be prepared for negotiation or court proceedings.

Misunderstandings and Messy Scenarios

Jewish divorce is rarely straightforward. Some believe a Get alone is enough for legal freedom, only to discover they’re still married in the eyes of the law. Others worry about Mamzer status for children born after a religious but not civil divorce. There’s a myth that the Beit Din can force a Get—while they can apply pressure, they cannot compel a spouse to act.

Real-life example: Sarah and David married in a synagogue, but never registered their marriage civilly. When they separated, Sarah assumed the Get was all she needed. Years later, she discovered she was still legally married, complicating her finances and her ability to remarry.

Navigating the Beit Din

Approaching the Beit Din can feel daunting. Din Torah proceedings, Shtar Berurin agreements, and Zabla panels are unfamiliar territory for most. If you feel lost, ask for explanations at every step. The Beit Din is there to help, not judge. If you’re intimidated, bring a friend or family member, and don’t hesitate to ask questions.

If you need to petition the civil courts, request a Heter Arkaos from the Beit Din. This document gives you permission to resolve disputes outside the religious system, protecting your rights under English law.

Community Pressure and Stigma

Divorce carries a heavy stigma in many Jewish communities. Gossip, judgement, and family expectations can make an already painful process even harder. Some women are pressured to stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of reputation, while men may feel shamed for “failing” as a husband.

Setting boundaries is essential. You’re not obliged to share details with anyone outside the process, and you can ask the Beit Din to keep your information confidential. If family pressure becomes overwhelming, consider limiting contact or seeking support from trusted friends. Your wellbeing comes first—even if others don’t understand your choices.

Practical Steps and Workarounds

If you’re considering or going through a Jewish divorce, here’s what you can do:

• Check if your marriage is legally recognised. If not, seek advice on alternative remedies.

• Gather all documents: Ketubah, civil marriage certificate, proof of assets, and any correspondence.

• Start the civil divorce process if required. You can apply online and don’t need your spouse’s consent to begin.

• Contact the Beit Din for the Get. Be prepared for paperwork and waiting.

• Keep records of all communication and requests.

• Prioritise your safety and privacy. Ask for confidentiality if needed.

• Seek clarity on child arrangements and financial settlements through the family court.

• Set boundaries with family and community. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

• Be patient—these processes take time, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed.

Conclusion

Jewish divorce in England and Wales is rarely straightforward. The process is layered, emotional, and often confusing. But you’re not alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your future. Clarity, patience, and self-compassion are your best allies. Divorce isn’t a failure—it’s a step towards a life that honours your needs and wellbeing.

If you need more information or want to discuss your situation, I’m here to help.